WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Randomize
