6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
