When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I would ride that face into the sunset
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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