It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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