ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
