she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
