Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
