We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
