Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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