So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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