i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
