Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
