That's intense
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
