Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
