3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
