it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
