dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
