Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
