i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
