i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
