The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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