I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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