before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She's the barista slut.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
