Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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