so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
