You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
