I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
