i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
