Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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