i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
