Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
