im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
