I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
