Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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