marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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