I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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