It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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