How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
another moral hangover. fuck.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
