Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
