at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
it glows. i had to have it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
