I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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