I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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