It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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