Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
