so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
