I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
