so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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