you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
