so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
