do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
